You know who you are...
Scared to feel something real, scared to seal the deal, scared to commit!! Why in the world do people let some of the best potentials slip through their fingers? Oh, you know, a classic case of commitment phobia. It's not pretty. Let me break it down for you:
1. Commitment Phobe Reason One - GAMING
By gaming I mean waiting for the next best thing because of an array of choice--or the false perception of choice. I sometimes call these people "behind door 7." These commitment phobes are gaming the system, hoping to find a hotter, more desirable partner behind door 7, like a gameshow.
2. Commitment Phobe Reason Two - INSECURITY
Sometimes insecure people are too unconfident to commit to someone because they are unsure whether they can make someone happy. They sacrifice long-term relationships because they believe letting a partner get too close would "expose" them for all the things they hate about themselves. This severe insecurity pushes people away.
3) Commitment Phobe Reason Three - BAGGAGE
These people fear being with someone with too much "baggage" or "drama." Commitment phobes would rather be alone or in short-term flings than have to deal with a partner's baggage and all the emotion connected to the past. Too bad every person has drama or baggage. Every. Person.
So how do you deal with serious commitment phobia? You could:
a) Let go and let live. "Leave some room for God" as one friend put it.
b) Stop running. Go to therapy.
c) Realize that all relationships are mirrors. If you don't like what you see, change the image.
d) Discover that contentment with what you have must start with personal fulfillment & connection.
e) You are not the exception; you're the rule. You have baggage; stop judging other people's drama.
My hope is that those of you who are struggling against feeling something real will stop and give yourself a chance to be in love. Being vulnerable is powerful and finding someone to share your life with can actually make you a better version of yourself. Don't let your fears stand in the way of being with someone who can expand your mind and your heart. Just get out of your own way.
Author - Yasmin Elhady Nassiry
Learning about love everyday. Grateful for what I have. I'm a relationship consultant who plays a lawyer and public policy specialist on TV.