People come to me and share all sorts of expectations they have of the person they want to love. Some are healthy and make sense as I discussed in Part 1 of my "How Much Light Are You Letting In?" blogpost regarding "openly informed" individuals. Other expectations are not only counterproductive, but actually dangerous given someone's circumstance and mindset. Unhealthy expectations dominate our thoughts and keep us from seeing what's being given to us--what may be right before our very eyes. We end up floating, not standing on solid ground.
I made a chart below to try to explain the very real dissonance between someone's expectations and what they are offering in a relationship. It can be truly comical...unfortunately.
As you can see, reality and expectations don't line up. This incongruence can actually be dangerous when we try to fit someone into the mold we have always had in our mind. We obsess over changing people to fit who we always wanted to love. But love is not changing who you are with. It's changing who you are. Love is accepting and being grateful to the person who chooses to love you. I really hope people can see a little bit of themselves in this chart :) And I hope that you can bring your expectations back onto solid ground, rooted in the reality of who you are. Change yourself and then maybe your expectations can be fair. Change others, and you may become an abusive or oppressive force. Self-awarness and gratitude can help combat these tendencies.
Wishing you all two feet, steady.
Author - Yasmin Elhady Nassiry
Learning about love everyday. Grateful for what I have. I'm a relationship consultant who plays a lawyer and public policy specialist on TV.