In this business, I have met a sizable number of people who openly consider themselves "picky" when it comes to relationships. I've seen it on both sides of the aisle ladies and gentlemen! Both men and women complain that family members and friends have called them overly "picky" and that they have no choice but to fully embrace the term. Over my 8 years of experience, I now realize that pickiness actually sits on a spectrum. On both ends of that spectrum, people just aren't ready to be in a relationship. See below for a not-so-impressive mock-up.
Not Ready ----- Unreasonable ---- Acceptably Discerning ---- Openly Informed ----- Not Ready
These three levels in the middle are where most clients find themselves. At the intense end of pickiness lies the "Unreasonable" designation, and this is really for those who live in a wonderland of their own imagination, expectations, and wish lists for a spouse. It is highly improbable that those who are unreasonably picky will find their perfect match. I find that these people either must change or end up disappointed with someone they believed was the "perfect" person. The rare circumstances do exist however that a prince or princess is granted to them--and I will not dismiss those instances--but it's very difficult to hang your hat on that anomaly happening! About 5% of clients who fall in this category find success with my method.
Just to the left of that, where someone is simply unwilling and unwavering to compromise on any checkbox on their checklist, is "not ready" because these people cannot even address their own inconsistencies, let alone accept anyone else with flaws! We are all flawed. We all need to come to terms with that. About 1-2% of people I meet are in this place, and I cannot accept them as clients.
The middle level of pickiness I call "Acceptably Discerning" meaning you have discerning standards and tastes. These standards or requirements are usually acceptable given someone's circumstance like education level or ethnic origins in order to bring families on board, but not all their requirements are. Those who are acceptably discerning are willing to accept a bit of a deviation from what they want if the circumstance arises--especially if they come to the realization that one of their standards was prohibitive to considering a quality person. These people have a significantly greater likelihood of finding a match. They represent about 30% of success with my approach.
Finally, the most successful clients I have are in the third lowest category of pickiness or "Openly Informed." These clients are usually fully actualized and not looking for anyone or anything to complete them. They know who they are and what they want, but they are open to considering most people who meet a shorter list of requirements. I find that these clients represent a 65% success rate with my help. These clients tend to be mature in mindset (and sometimes age) and have already learned through experiences what is really important in a spouse. Their list of requirements rarely include a specific ethnicity, income or education level. Those who are "Openly Informed" often have character traits they are looking for, and they are often people who are secure with their own self.
To the right of this is also the "not ready" category for those who simply have not put in the effort or time to know who they are or what they really want. Often these people are lacking maturity of thought and need time for introspection. They represent about 1% of people I meet, and I rarely accept these people as clients.
The post is intentionally asking a question about light. I believe those who are openly informed are also those who let in the most light and who are also lightening the burden on themselves in finding love. In the next part of this blog post, I will explain the mercy that is increased through allowing more light in. Mercy for your self and for others. I believe this brings happiness.
Until then, ask yourself, how much light am I letting in? How well do I know myself? What am I willing to compromise on?
Author - Yasmin Elhady Nassiry
Learning about love everyday. Grateful for what I have. I'm a relationship consultant who plays a lawyer and public policy specialist on TV.